Ever since Jahvid Best joined our Sturdy (cough cough) Golden Bears, I have been convinced of something I call The Grease Factor. That is, the secret behind Best's "slipperiness" (he's just so slippery! or at least he was.) is that Tedford greases him up before each game. It makes perfect sense, really. Cover him in grease, and nobody will be able to catch him!
[insert well-crafted highlights video here. aka: use your imaginations.]
I'm serious, guys. I really think he is greased up. His arms usually look pretty shiny, and sure that could be sweat, but I am convinced that it is grease. Perhaps vegetable oil.
Don't believe me? That is understandable. I hardly believe me. But folks, I have photographic evidence.
Best being greased up. You'll just have to trust me that it was Best, because it is basically impossible to simultaneously do a closeup of the grease-action on his legs and show his jersey or face. Please ignore the crappy picture quality.
Ok, ok, the TV announcer said that they were "icing" his knees. But is sure looked like they were greasing him up! Of course they had to say it was ice...we wouldn't want to give away any of the secrets to our success, would we? Um, just imagine I'm saying this two games ago when we had success. Seriously though, if Tedford really was covering Jahvid Best with grease (animal fat? EVOO?), it's not like we would want everyone to know. Then the other teams would start developing special sawdust-covered gloves, or football arm sleeves covered in friction-inducing-anti-grease bumps. You know they would. Because oh boy, the threat we pose. (just kidding! love you, bears!)
But fine. What if the announcer was telling the truth? What if it was, in fact, mere bits of frozen water that were being rubbed all over those capable legs? That would certainly explain his lack of slipperiness at this game (was he "iced" instead of "greased" in Oregon as well?).
The real question: Why did we switch to ice? BRING BACK THE GREASE, TEDFORD! Best just wants to run (it's what he does...best)!
Obviously, I believe that the only reason we haven't been playing well is because Best is not as slippery as he used to be. Obviously, my theories are bulletproof. It has nothing to do with Cutiepie Riley or Cuddlybear Tepper or any of the other Bears for whom I do not have nicknames.
The moral of the story? There is none. Only that I was unnaturally excited to see the greasing in action. CBKWit, I was right. So there.
Am I crazy?
Nah, you're cute! And funny! And you totally know everything about football! (14 votes)
You know nothing about football, but you're not crazy. The Grease Factor is totally legit. (3 votes)
Yeah, you are completely nuts. (6 votes)
This post makes me wish FanPosts weren't allowed. I just wasted precious minutes of my life reading this crap. (5 votes)
28 total votes