A stream of consciousness essay written by Cal fans from Section L, Rows 31 and 32

[scene opens on a beautiful day in Strawberry Canyon.  But there is anger and unrest in the air]

Washington St. is coming to town, huh?  Well, I try to be realistic in the standards I hold Cal football to.  Another blowout is probably unrealistic.  I think a shutout might be too much to ask.  I think a reasonable expectation would be a 96 to 3 victory.  The century mark would be tough to reach, but we're better than last year's team.  After all, Longshore played on last year's team, which explained the lackluster 66-3 victory.  What, he didn't play in most of that game?  Shut up you revisionist terrorist!

Wow, a passing touchdown.  Solid start Cal, but did it really need to take two plays?  Try to score in one play next time.

WHAT?!?  A KICKOFF RETURN TO MIDFIELD!  HEADS WILL ROLL!

Phew, good defense Bears.  What, another touchdown and in only 6 plays?  But why did we only pass once on that drive?  Why do you HATE Riley, Tedford?  Why?!?

Good defense Cal, I suppose.  No sacks on that drive though?  WOW what a punt return!  I'm glad we finally kicked that loser #5 off the team for all those horrible, child killing fair catches.  What a loser!

WHAT?!?  HOW COULD YOU ALLOW THAT CIRCUS CATCH!  AND YOU GAVE UP A 1ST DOWN?  BOOOO

A field goal for WSU?  Fine, a shutout is hard.  But no more points, Bears, or I'm going to have to murder that bastard Gregory in his sleep.

We scored a touchdown?  How?  I was too busy spittle-yelling towards the Cal sidelines to notice!  Damn!

3 and out?  Good job defense, but why haven't we injured more WSU players?  Do they really deserve to walk out of the stadium on two legs?  I THINK NOT!

Wow, we're in the 2nd quarter and Riley's only completed 3 passes?  What a bum!  Even Longshore would have completed 4 passes by now.  Interceptions!  HAHAHAHA ZING!  Wait...an incompletion on 3rd down?!?!  WE WANT MANSION!  OR SWEENY!  Wait...which one is 2nd string again?

A 37 YARD RUSH!?!  Who missed that tackle?  It was Hagan, wasn't it?  I'm sure it was Hagan!  No, I didn't see the play, I don't need to see the play to know that Hagan fucked it up, that moron.  I can't believe how much I hate all of these 20 something year old athletes performing for my entertainment and receiving no monetary compensation!

Wow, what a 61 yard rush by Jahvid!  But I think Cal scored too fast on that one.  If Tedford wasn't a moron he would have told Jahvid to gain 10 yards on every play to wear down the defense.  Just one more example of horrible coaching from that clown.

What, another punt?  I think it's time to fire Ludwig.  Figures that an imbecile like Tedford would hire a pathetic retread like DUDwig.  Get it?  DUDwig?  I crack myself up!

AHH A 65 YARD TOUCHDOWN PASS?!?  I WON'T STAND FOR THAT BULL.  Washington St. is literally a team of 5th graders and I WILL NOT STAND for this BS 25 point lead!  It's scholarship revoking time!

OH MY SWEET LORD two incompletions?  BOOOOO!  BOOOO!  And why is Tedford punting on fourth and 4!  You gutless monster!  I hate Riley and want him benched but how can you show no faith in him and not think he can convert that?

Sigh.  I'm going to have to ritualistically murder every member of our secondary this week, aren't I.

OK Jeff, we only have an 18 point lead right now.  If we don't score a touchdown before the half its clear we're going to lose this game.  Prove to me that you're not the worst coach and biggest monster in America.  Prove me wrong.

WHAT?!?  You're sending out Tavecchio with 3 seconds left 30 yards out?  The QB I've spent the last two quarters booing for only throwing three TDs would clearly throw an easy touchdown with WSU knowing exactly where he's going to throw the ball if you just LET HIM.  If we miss this field goal, I don't know what I'll do...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TEDFOOOOOOOOOORD

I'm done with this team.  This is Tedford's last straw.  Maybe I'll become a Raiders fan so I can watch better coaching and quarterback play.  ZING!!!  I'm not sticking around for the 2nd half and watching this embarrassment of a football team.  NEVER AGAIN.

[end scene]