DBD 10.21.09 My Day at the Rose Bowl or: The Turkey Dinner at Pasadena Jail Isn't That Bad

{A friend of mine who lurks here recently had quite the experience at the Cal-UCLA game.  He didn't have the confidence to post it himself, but I convinced him, using my high charm abilities, to write it up.  So, I could post it for him anonymously.  If you know this person, I wish you would respect his wishes that he not be named, because it is a bit of an embarrassing story.  But hilarious!  So hilarious!

And just to be clear, this "friend of mine" is not me.  GO BEARS!  Enjoy!}




Oh, they had to carry Harry to the ferry,
And the ferry carried Harry to the shore;
And the reason that they had to carry Harry to the ferry
Was that Harry got arrested at the Rose Bowl on suspicion of public intoxication.

It's times like this, I'm glad there are so many lawyers on this blog.  This is a long story, but I couldn't leave out all the chewy nuggets.  My apologies to those with ADD.

My Saturday started innocently enough with a breakfast tailgate outside the Rose Bowl.


Dude, this tailgate is a sausagefest.


Oh the times I've had at this tailgate in the past: Beer busts, beer blasts, keggers, stein hoists, AA meetings, beer nights... but this time was the end all be all.

Drink, drank, drunk last night,
Drunk the night before;
Gonna get drunk this morning
Like I never got drunk before


There was the usual shotgunning and pounding of beers, there was flirting with cute UCLA girls, there was talking sweet, incomprehensible drunk talk, but the biggest difference last Saturday was discovering the following equation:




plus this



equals this



OK, so I admit it: pounding whiskey and chasing it with Jager on the way into a game in 1,000 degree weather is a bad idea.  Walking into the Rose Bowl, I lost my friends and had no idea where the Cal section was, so I went through the first tunnel I saw and sat down in the middle of some UCLA fans.

At this point, things get a bit hazy.  I have a vague recollection of wandering through the tunnels, barely able to walk and pushing kids out of my way not unlike a tranq'd up Frank the Tank at Beanie's son's birthday party.



[Name Redacted]?

Then, I ended up stumbling around the walkway outside the stadium interacting with various UCLA and Cal fans (I'm sorry if I ran into you or offended you, your wife or your kids).  On the plus side, I'm a pretty happy drunk and I'm sure I wasn't trying to start shit.  There are nebulous memories of other fans commenting on how drunk I looked, but it didn't sink in at the time.  About halfway through the 1QT, I decided to evacuate my breakfast...


I don't know why people say Memorial has terrible restrooms, the Rose Bowl's aren't that much better.

Some amount of time passed and the next thing I knew a very polite police officer was waking me from a wonderful nap on a men's room (I really hope it was a men's room) stall floor covered in my own vomit and shame.  I asked the female cop outside what this shit was all over my shorts to which she responded, "your puke".  "Gross" I said and got big laughs out of the cops, making me think I could charm my way out of this mess.

Now the Souse family is the best family
You zhink you're better n me?
dere's the island Ducks, an a Lowlwllsoolll ditch
The arrgghuburgleddomndairrrrrusshhhhhhhhhs

But my drunken vomit charm doesn't work on cops the way it did on coeds when I was in college.  I was just the funny drunk they brought into Rose Bowl jail, which had a lot of activity going on.  There were cops all over the place running around, but I was the only inmate.  They set me in a room with a TV (Bonus!) where I sat and watched the 2QT (I think).  An older cop and I watched the game and talked shit about UCLA's defense for a while before I was led, handcuffed, through the crowds and out to the waiting paddy wagon for my commute to real jail.



Sitting on bench seats in handcuffs is extremely uncomfortable.

Pasadena jail was definitely getting into the school spirit.  They intelligently separated the Cal fans and UCLA fans into two drunk tanks.  There were at least 10 UCLA fans in their tank and only 2 Cal fans in ours (Win?).  One dude was passed out and another who was sitting in a fetal position, seriously stressing about how he'd fucked up his life.  I tried to apply that thought to myself at the time, but it didn't seem worth it.  Shoes off, possessions confiscated, they threw me in.

Being the new guy, I felt I might have to kick the passed out guy's ass to establish dominance, but they -being fellow Cal fans- were totes cool.  Their biggest concern was getting word from the outside world.  I knew Cal was winning 35 to something involving a zero, so I was accepted based on my knowledge.  How these guys ended up in jail before me is amazing.  I don't even know if they made it into the game.

Sing glorious, victorious,
One drunk tank for the four of us.
Sing glory be to God that there are no more of us,
For there's only one toilet for us all. Damn near.
Here's to the Irish, dead drunk. The lucky stiffs....

Then, the cops brought in a new new guy  -a slight fellow who didn't even seem drunk.  The three of us already in were having a good time telling stories and laughing at that time and when he came in we yelled, "Fresh Fish!"  He one-upped us though, by declaring, "I'm gonna fuck all of you!"  All four of us were instantly prison pals.

Sitting in a 20' x 20' room for several hours, any activity that happened by our window was an exciting event.  And a scraggly crackhead looking dude making a break for the elevator near us did not disappoint.  Not a very well thought out escape plan, if you ask me.  Whatever was on the other end of that elevator, I'm sure it wasn't freedom.  They slammed him up against our window and we all got scared he was coming in, but I think it was straight to pound-me-in-the-ass prison for him and he was gone forever.

Now, the Pasadena police were really nice when they arrested me and friendly in the jails, but when they served us dinner, I thought about becoming a fan of theirs on Facebook.  A couple inmates dressed in orange jumpsuits brought us turkey dinner consisting of: two slices of 20% turkey parts / 80% gelatin product, stuffing, mashed potatoes, vegetables and two slices of wheat bread paired with two little boxes of cranberry juice.  My cellmates and I started theorizing how we could ferment the cranberry juice to make alcohol.  Talk about Cal ingenuity!



May I suggest a nice 2008 cranberry juice to go with this?

But there was no time for that, cause they started letting us go!  First, the passed out guy, who when he got on the other side of the glass put his palm on it, which the remaining three of us gave him the "be strong" high five from the other side.  Then, the stressing guy was led to booking, I hope he's alright.  Then, me!  My buddy actually figured out I was there and was waiting upstairs.  I left slight guy behind with a window high five and was back on the streets a reformed man.  Or more sober than when I entered at least.

In conclusion, I'd like to propose a toast to alcohol.  The cause of and solution to all of life's problems.

Go Beers!  I mean, Bears!

National Championship display case unveiled:

The University of California officially kicked-off its 2009 National Championship Week with the unveiling of the National Championship Display Case and Highlight Video Tuesday, Oct. 20 in the Memorial Stadium Hall of Fame Room. In attendance was Cal Director of Athletics Sandy Barbour, who made an introductory speech before the unveiling, plus Teri McKeever, the 2009 NCAA Coach of the Year who led the Golden Bears to the NCAA title in women's swimming and diving.

Also in attendance were assistant women's swimming coach Kristen Lewis-Cunnane, and athletes Hannah Wilson and Erica Dagg. Representing men's swimming were assistant coach Greg Meehan and standout Nathan Adrian. From men's track & field were associate head coach Ed Miller and discus champion Martin Maric, and from men's gymnastics were assistant coach Aaron Floyd and rings champion Evan Roth. Finally, the men's varsity four crew was represent by assistant coach Luke Agnini, rower Jordan Sartor and coxswain Jack Zhou.

In 2008-09, Cal captured a first-ever NCAA team title in women's swimming and diving, an IRA varsity four championship in men's crew, two relay victories in women's swimming and a women's NCAA tennis doubles title. An additional six other Bear stars brought home individual gold this past year in men's swimming, women's swimming, men's gymnastics and men's track & field to raise the total to 100 national crowns won by Cal athletes in the decade of the 2000s.

From a Cal Athletics perspective we really shine," said Barbour. "National championships at Cal are frequent, but in no way are they ordinary. The young men and women, along with the coaches and their support staff, have sacrificed and put in a lot of hard work. Our athletes not only go through physical trials of endurance, they are challenged intellectually and cerebrally, both in the class room and in our athletic venues. One of our contributions to the comprehensive excellence on this campus is our national championships. It was a fabulous year in 2008-09. We had a team title in women's swimming and 10 other individual, relay or crew champions. Ironically, that brought us to 100 national championships for the decade of the 2000s."

The opinions expressed in a FanPost are, in every way, reflective of the opinions of every California Golden Blogs Marshawnthusiast. Moreover, they are reflective of every employee of SBNation, including Tyler "Blez" Bleszinski.

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