It feels strange and totally wrong at first, but it feels oh so good. Unlike the other kind of Bestiality, this particular fetish is socially acceptable among Cal fans; the irrational love of the Beast that is Marshawn Lynch.
In this post Twist and I discuss the topic and try and understand our mutual perversion. Dude, it's going to be so cathartic!
And yes, we also have video...
Beast-iality fetish: the epidemic appears to be spreading among Oakland youth.
So I'll go first...
1) He was our Beast first - Before the Bills fans dubbed him "Beast Mode"... we always knew him as just a total "Beast"... but we meant it in a more literal sense than they do. They guy would just power around defenders, run over defenders and punish those who stood in his way. He behaved like a wild animal on the field. It was a thrill to watch and it felt so good to be a fan. He dominated and embarrassed DBs so we felt like WE were actually dominating and embarrassing those DBs.
2) "Now they will fear you..." - Defenses truly feared Marshawn and with damn good reason. Defenders could be in perfect position to make a tackle and miss. The delayed blitz could be time perfectly, but Marshawn would still get away. The sort of chaos that Marshawn brought to bear made our play-action work, freed up the Hawk across the middle and ruined the marriages of countless Defensive coordinators.
3) He actually was a nice guy - A self professed 'momma's boy' he almost seemed shy on the sidelines and with the press. He hardly ever looked into the camera during interviews. He gave credit to his O-line and quarterback and he was great with the fans. Plus I always liked that he showed so much love to his family... "family first...yeah...you feel me?"
So, that's why I love Marshawn... what say you Twist?
Danzig wanted me to write a long, flowing piece of amazing oratory to help prep you to enter the BEAST MODE state of mind. To that end, I have penned this Henry David Thoreau-esque poem:
Roses Are Red
Violets Are Blue
Shut up And Watch The Video- TwistNHook
....what? I F* * *n hate you.
Marshawn Lynch College Highlights 1
Marshawn Lynch College Highlights 2
Marshawn Lynch College Highlights 3
Marshawn Lynch College Highlights 4
If any of the above videos aren't working, go directly to these links:
Marshawn Lynch Extended College Highlights 1
Marshawn Lynch Extended College Highlights 2
Marshawn Lynch Extended College Highlights 3
Marshawn Lynch Extended College Highlights 4
JUST FOR FUN
Our own Cosmo quiz to determine if you have a Beast-iality fetish:
BEAST-IALITY PERVERSION TEST
(get out a piece of paper and record your answers)
PICTURE #1
A) Texas A&M 2006
B) Texas Tech 2004
C) Oklahoma 2005
PICTURE #2
A) Washington 2005
B) Washington 2006
C) Washington 2007
PICTURE #3
A) Oregon 2005
B) Oregon 2006
C) Oregon 2007
PICTURE #4
A) BigGame 2005
B) BigGame 2006
C) BigGame 2007
PICTURE #5
A) Portland State 2006
B) Sacramento State 2005
C) Oregon 2006
PICTURE #6
A) Penn State 2005
B) BYU 2005
C) BYU 2006
PICTURE #7
A) Air Force 2004
B) Illinois 2005
C) Texas Tech 2004
PICTURE #8
A) BigGame 2004
B) Washington State 2006
C) BigGame 2005
PICTURE #9
A) Washington State 2006
B) BigGame 2006
C) BigGame 2004
PICTURE #10
A) Women's Huddle 2004
B) Fan Appreciation Day 2006
C) Pre-Game 2007
PICTURE #11
A) Arizona 2005
B) Arizona 2006
C) Minnesota 2006
PICTURE #12
A) USC 2005
B) USC 2006
C) Arizona 2005
PICTURE #13
A) Oregon State 2006
B) Washington State 2005
C) Washington State 2006
PICTURE #14
A) May 17th 2007
B) Feb 18th 2006
C) Jan 21st 2007
PICTURE #15
A) Twist's Living room
B) Twist's Bed room
C) Twist's Porn Lair
ANSWERS:
1) A - Texas AM 2006
2) B - Washington 2006
3) B - Oregon 2006
4) A - BigGame 2005
5) C - Oregon 2006
6) B - BYU 2005
7) C - Texas Tech 2004
8) A - BigGame 2004
9) A - Washington State 2006
10) B - Fan Appreciation Day 2006
11) A - Arizona 2005
12) B - USC 2006
13) A - Oregon State 2006
14) A - May 17th 2007 (A's Game)
15) C - Twist's Porn Lair
WHAT YOUR RESULTS MEAN:
1-4: Get the f* * * off our blog Oregon fans!
5-8: Wow, you watch our games... that's cool man... good for you, really man, be proud.
9-12: Hello there Cal fan... you know your shit and you own a #10 jersey because you figured that you were getting two for the price of one.
13-14: Damn, you nasty! You frick'n know a shitload about Cal football. Plus you might be reaching a level of Beasti-ality that might warrant a restraining order.
15: Your knowledge of Cal football is **too** perfect... you got rejected from Cal and went to community college, but lie about going to Cal on your resume. You're terrified of being found out so you overcompensate by blogging incessantly at CGB. You've become obsessive about everything related to Cal and Marshawn. Mountebank thy name is Twist.
In Next Week's Issue:
Quiz - Does your boyfriend really love you?
Advice - 5 ways to get him to pop the question.
Products - 3 eye shadows that will change your life.