I want to watch the Olympics.  I want to enjoy the splendor and the squalor.  The dizzying highs, the terrifying lows, the creamy middles.

But NBC, you aren't making it easy.  Everytime I turn on the TV, you are blasting "SOON!  MICHAEL PHELPS!  THEN, UNDERAGE GIRLS LEAPING AROUND IN SKIN TIGHT CLOTHES."

Now, ok, I could go for some underage girls leaping around in skin tight clothes.  Who wouldn't?  Only to appreciate their precision and technique, of course.  Nobody is a bigger fan of precision and technique than me. 

But when does this all come on?  Like 2:30 in the morning.  First, you have to watch an hour of synchronized diving.  And look, it's kind of a cool sport.  I mean at first, it's kind of just falling forward at the same time.  And I loved when the announcer was talking about one of the American divers moving to Indianapolis to train with her partner.  She said:

"Being in the same city as your partner is important in synchronized diving."

What?!!?  You don't say!  Couldn't they do it over the phone

"1, 2, drop the phone and go!"

So, I could deal with an hour of synchronized diving.  But a hour EVERY night????  Then, a hour of beach volleyball!??!?!  Again, I could watch it once, maybe twice.  Look, I get it, it's chicks in bikinis.  NBC loves that. 

All I know is it keeps me from my beloved 15 year olds. 

And, ok, I can do basic math.  I can understand that this all happens 12 hours in the future, so it mostly happens overnight in America.

But wait, that's 12 hours in the future for the East Coast.  Screw the East Coast, NBC.  Nobody cares about that freak seaboard.

You know what we do for fun out here on the Cool coast?  Rock climbing or skiing or rock skiing (which, btw, is totes siiiiiiiiiiiiiiick).  You know what they do for fun on the East Coast?

They drive to other states to watch the seasons change.  "Oh, wow, that foliage is slighter redder than yesterday.  Vermont is so lovely this time of year.  Let's picnic."

We don't use picnic as a verb on THIS coast!  And they buy their groceries from places called the "Piggly-Wiggly."  I don't even have to explain any further on that one.  Let that sink in for a second.  Piggly Wiggly.  They are "Big On The Pig."  They buy their fried chicken from gas stations.  Well, OK, that one isn't that bad.

via astroluxe.com

"GET THE JO-JOS!"

Either way, people like that don't deserve to watch cool sports at reasonable hours.  But we do!  Show the Olympics to us live.  East Coasters are used to sports ending at unreasonable hours.  Most As games don't even start until 10 over there.  We aren't used to it, though.  Our sporting events start at 7. 

You are ruining the Olympics, NBC.  Get it right.  Get it right!

And now, onto some links:

Exhibition women's soccer this saturday against St. Mary's.  Go Cal!  But also Go Gaels!

BERKELEY, Calif. - The California women's soccer team kicks off the 2008 season with an exhibition game against Saint Mary's Saturday, Aug. 16, at 3 p.m. at Edwards Stadium. Admission will be charged -- $8 for adults, $4 for seniors and free for those high school age and under. Live stats will be available for all home Cal women's soccer games again this season.

Cal finished the 2007 season with a 15-5-1 record in their first year under head coach Neil McGuire. The Golden Bears tied for third in the Pac-10 with Stanford with a 6-3 mark. Cal advanced to the second round of the NCAA Tournament, marking the program's ninth postseason appearance in the last 10 years and fourth in a row. Cal looks to ride the momentum of a 7-0-1 mark over the final eight games of last season.

More info on Natalie Coughlin at the Olympics.  I don't want to give spoilers out, but she's so dreamy!  Sorry!

Cal football has a scrimmage:

Berkeley - Eleven days into its fall camp, the California football team scrimmaged for the first time at Memorial Stadium, as quarterbacks Nate Longshore, Kevin Riley and Brock Mansion all got reps on Thursday evening.

"I thought for a first scrimmage, it was pretty clean," said head coach Jeff Tedford. "It was pretty penalty-free for the most part; with it being the first day handling the clock and game situations, I was impressed by how that happened. We still need to get a lot better in certain situations so we'll continue to work at those. For the most part, I thought it was well-organized and the kids did a nice job."

Riley, who took his first snap under center with the second unit drove the team down the field, culminating with a three-yard touchdown throw in the back corner of the end zone to LaReylle Cunningham.

Freshman Covaughn DeBoskie was the beneficiary of a 1-yard touchdown run when Mansion drove the third team down the field in the third possession of the scrimmage.

Longshore, later in the scrimmage, hooked up with senior Sean Young, who made a sliding catch in the end zone.

Interview with Cal Olympian Shellie Onstead.

Okanes gives time for Big Game:

Just received word that The Big Game on Nov. 22 will start at 12:30 p.m. TV plans aren’t set yet.

And he has more info on the scrimmage:

–Jahvid Best was held out of the scrimmage as part of his designed rest this fall. Backup Shane Vereen took advantage, rushing for 71 yards on 11 carries. Vereen also was in on punt and kick returns.

Vereen has been hampered by a sprained ankle this fall and says he’s still not feeling totally healthy.

“I still think I have a step-and-a-half missing,” he said. “It makes it easy when your O-line and fullback are blocking well. Your lack of speed doesn’t show as much.”

One of the more memorable moments from the scrimmage came on a punt return, when freshman Covaughn DeBoskie crushed Vereen too early as he was attempting to field the punt. It was a big hit, and one that resulted in a scolding from coach Jeff Tedford.

“If I was sleeping, it would have woke me up,” Vereen said.

Screw you with your East Coast bias, NBC.  Dump away!  And Go Bears!