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Do We Hate Maryland - Or What?

Yellow Fever: I don't know much about Maryland.  I probably should know more than I do, given that one of our fraternity's events was held there a few years ago and one of our brothers is there now, but I don't.  I know it's at College Park, which does sound better than College Station.  But if you pressed me to name more than two cities in Maryland besides Baltimore and College Park, I'd be lost.  No wait, Rockville.  I do know Rockville.

As for their football team, they were good a while back, weren't they?  And they did turn out Shawne Merriman and Vernon Davis.  Oh, and their coach is really fat.  Possibly as fat as Mark Mangino.  That's all I've got.

But no.  I don't hate them.  I don't know anything about them.

Star-divide

TwistNHook: I also know very little about the University of Maryland football team.

However, that does not, in any way, keep me from hating Maryland unreasonably and irrationally.  DAMN YOU MARYLAND'S VAGUELY COMPETITIVE FOOTBALL TEAM!  DAMN YOU!

HydroTech: I don't know about you guys, but I'm pretty sure I don't hate Maryland.  Of course, the last time I thought I didn't hate another in-conference team, I was corrected by their fans and told that I did.  I'm obviously less in touch with my own feelings than other people.  So to be safe, I'm going to ignore my gut which is telling me that I don't hate Maryland and just say that I hate them.  After all, what is there not to hate about their stupid little blue crabs that they think are so great?  There's less meat on those things than on Mary Kate.  I personally prefer our great California Dungeness crab.

TwistNHook: That's definitely true.  If you were to pit our California Dungeness crabs against their crabs in some sort of complex Crab Battle Royale, Dungeness would DOMINATE!

That take, state of Maryland!  Up next, we're going after your "picturesque" harbors! And gritty serial dramas!

Yellow Fever: Fast fact: In 2004, Ralph Freidgen appeared prominently in TV commercials promoting former Terrapin football player Kevin Plank's Under Armour brand of athletic wear Under Armour promotion. (credit: Wikipedia)

Unfortunately, I can't find this clip on YouTube.  But I think I remember a coach in one of those commercials going, "WHEN OUR OPPONENT LINES UP IN AN ACE FORMATION, THAT'S A RUNNING PLAY!  THEY'RE NOT GOING TO PASS OUT OF THAT FORMATION!"

One must certainly wonder if he took that advice to heart and decided that he would then run out of every Ace formation, given the general decline in Maryland football since then.

Ragnarok: Well, it's too bad he didn't take the 'WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE!' advice to heart.  Since 2004, Maryland is only 14-10 at home, and 6 of those wins came against patsies like Villanova, William & Mary, Middle Tennessee State, Florida International, Northern Illinois, and Temple.

Another fun reason to hate Maryland (thank you, Wikipedia!):  "as of August 2007, Maryland is now the wealthiest state in the United State, with a median household income of US$65,144, ahead of New Jersey which had previous held that title."  Rich, smug bastards and their crabs.

Also, their highest-ranking government official in US History was former VP Spiro Agnew, "who served as United States Vice President under Richard Nixon.  He was Vice President from 1969 to 1973, when he resigned in the aftermath of revelations that he had taken bribes while he was Governor of Maryland.  In late 1973, a court found Agnew guilty of violating tax laws."  Way to suck at governing, Maryland.

Thankfully, former Cal QB Kyle Boller has been taking down the state of Maryland from the inside.

TwistNHook: Boller has been doing quite the job at that!

Yellow Fever: Unfortunately, he's been doing such a good job of taking down the Ravens that they'll probably kick him out of Maryland next year.  But them's the breaks.

_41158014_day4_medium

via newsimg.bbc.co.uk

Kyle Boller : A California double-agent?

HydroTech: Rags, don't be raggin' on my boy, Boller.  I still have hopes that he'll be Hall of Famer.

Ragnarok:  Maybe you should buy one of these, Hydro.

HydroTech:  Uh, sure.  On a less serious note, some blog claims that Maryland has the worst fans in the ACC.  They are described as "crude, disgusting, and at times dangerous."  There is also some reference to Carlos Boozer's mom - a reference which is over my head.  Any one care to explain?  As for Maryland having the worst fans in the ACC, I think that's a valid reason to hate them.  We here at the CGB are all about class.  We exude nothing but grade A, USDA Commercial kwality classiness.  Anybody who isn't as classy as us is worth hating.  So screw Maryland.

And good god, Maryland head coach Ralph Friedgen sure does love his  cupcakes, I mean patsies.  I mean, Delaware, Middle Tennessee State, and Eastern Michigan

Ragnarok: Indeed, besides Cal, that is a pretty soft non-conference schedule.  Apparently, they're so worried about us, though, that for the next two years (while they play us), they're suspending their annual non-conference border war with West Virginia for the first time in 28 years!  Cowards!

TwistNHook: Maryland borders West Virginia?

Ragnarok: It does!  The western end reaches around Virginia to touch West Virginia.  Those eastern states get pretty kinky with their borders...

Maryland_medium

via www.politicsonline.com

Yellow Fever: Just to take the Mark Mangino-Ralph Friedgen battle up a notch: http://deadspin.com/sports/kansas-jayhawks/the-jayhawks-pr-staff-has-their-coachs-back-308740.php

Anyway, it appears the consensus is that we hate Maryland.  I'm not sure why or how, but like Hydro's experience, someone would tell us we were wrong if we tried to argue otherwise.

Ragnarok:  You know, if we can get our hackles raised over a school Cal has never played in football and a state that I'm pretty sure most of us have never been to, I think we can learn to hate anyone!

TwistNHook:  Except for UCLA.  I'm SO fucking generally indifferent to them right now!

Poll
As a Cal fan, how do you feel about Maryland?
  • I hate those Terrapins with a vengeance!
  • I dislike Maryland, but I'm not sure why.
  • Where is Maryland?
  • Why are you guys even writing this?
  • I love the Terps! Vernon Davis rules!

  185 votes | Results

0 recs | Comment 50 comments | Add your comment

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Comments

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remembering maryland cities

how about sharpsburg? it was only the site of the bloodiest single-day battle in american history.

by kleph on Jul 1, 2008 11:49 AM PDT reply reply   0 recs

They've got Baltimore

And that spawned The Wire, so they’re alright in my book.

by Maharg on Jul 1, 2008 12:03 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

nope, never heard of it

oh, public school education, you’ve failed me once again!!!!!!!

So, basically, you gotta Go Bears!

by ragnarok on Jul 1, 2008 12:16 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I find it hard pressed to give one reason why I should give a shit about that school..

Oh yea my cousin goes there for grad school. Still

In other words, Go Bears!

by royrules22 on Jul 1, 2008 12:03 PM PDT reply reply   0 recs

I lived in DC for 3 years, Maryland fans were fine by me. They do have a bad wrap, but I never really experienced it.

College Park is just outside of DC so you might as well associate playing the Terps with that. Baltimore is 40 minutes or so from DC.

The only reason they were good when I was there is 1) the ACC is pretty weak in football and 2) their non-conference schedule included the likes of perennial football powerhouses such as the Citadel and various other cream-puffs.

The guy who started underarmour went to Maryland and refused to sell-out to nike. Looks like a good move now.

by 33SwisherSweet on Jul 1, 2008 12:11 PM PDT reply reply   0 recs

John Wilkes Booth and Frank Zappa are marylanders…

by Itchy25 on Jul 1, 2008 12:57 PM PDT reply reply   0 recs

Annapolis?

You know, the Naval Academy?

Stanfurd Delendum Est.

by Olsonist on Jul 1, 2008 1:02 PM PDT reply reply   0 recs

yeah, there is that

I noticed it on the map. Forgot it was in Maryland. Whoops.

I'm still wondering why the Nets didn't draft Leon Powe.

by yellow fever on Jul 1, 2008 1:04 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I fear we were too subtle here.

"Save The Oaks: Overthrow Capitalism" said Dumpster Muffin sanguinely

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Jul 1, 2008 1:08 PM PDT reply reply   0 recs

You, subtle? WHAAAA?

by Maharg on Jul 1, 2008 1:44 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Generally, I would agree. But by the sheer amount of “Why are you writing this” responses, it has become abundantly clear.

"Save The Oaks: Overthrow Capitalism" said Dumpster Muffin sanguinely

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Jul 1, 2008 1:45 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

i thought you were writing this to point out why karl dorrell was evil?

by Itchy25 on Jul 1, 2008 1:55 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Karl Dorrell cartoonish supervillainy is well-established by now. As he twists his comedically over-sized mustache, cackling with glee, we all know who to blame for the unfortunate subtlety of this post. Karl Dorrell!

"Save The Oaks: Overthrow Capitalism" said Dumpster Muffin sanguinely

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Jul 1, 2008 2:22 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Damn the Man!!

Where is Rick Neuheisel when we need him?

by Maharg on Jul 1, 2008 4:01 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Wasn’t he leading the recovery efforts in Burma? That’s the last I heard of him, praise his courageous soul!

But we need him to take on Karl Dorrell: Cartoonish Supervillian! Oh 2 the noes!

"Save The Oaks: Overthrow Capitalism" said Dumpster Muffin sanguinely

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Jul 1, 2008 4:07 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Maryland is a lot like purgatory, noone cares enough to form an opinion on it, or vote about what that opinion may or may not be. I’m just amazed at how much random things you could write about Maryland.

by Maharg on Jul 1, 2008 2:13 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Do you mean Limbo? “It’s not that bad…but not good”

Purgatory is the horrific, painful cleansing of your soul before going to heaven.

by thenick on Jul 1, 2008 2:32 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Oh, I thought that was LA.

by Maharg on Jul 1, 2008 4:01 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Ewww… I’d hate to have to go through L.A. to get to heaven.

by thenick on Jul 1, 2008 4:55 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

exactly

I kissed Dumpster Muffin and I liked it. The taste of her hippie chapped lips.

by Maharg on Jul 2, 2008 12:17 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Having lived in Baltimore and New York, I’m somewhat thin skinned when it comes to Easterners. New Yorkers talk fast and think slow.

Stanfurd Delendum Est.

by Olsonist on Jul 1, 2008 1:09 PM PDT reply reply   0 recs

hmm

I was born in Philadelphia, grew up in New Jersey, and work in New York. I don’t know if I should be offended. I guess that depends on whether I call myself a New Yorker. Or maybe I’m just typing fast and thinking slow.

I'm still wondering why the Nets didn't draft Leon Powe.

by yellow fever on Jul 1, 2008 1:25 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Well, you went to Cal. So you know the college conversation where people kind of roll their eyes when you say Cal instead of some Ivy League school. The #2 engineering school, #1 graduate school period and still I get this where’s your tan thing. That’s what I’m feeling.

Stanfurd Delendum Est.

by Olsonist on Jul 1, 2008 2:58 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Ok, but where is your tan?

"Save The Oaks: Overthrow Capitalism" said Dumpster Muffin sanguinely

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Jul 1, 2008 3:07 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Olsonist...doing time in DC for 3 years made me really appreciate it here in California.

Or as the (L)east coasters would say “out there” in california. I was so sick of all their shit by the time I left. Boy, it’s good to be home.

by 33SwisherSweet on Jul 1, 2008 4:39 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Alright Twisted, I’m just going to hold my breath until you say you’re sorry.

Stanfurd Delendum Est.

by Olsonist on Jul 1, 2008 4:42 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I don’t want you to fall, hurt your head and suffer permanent brain damage. You might end up sitting in a tree.

Or worse!

Becoming a USC fan. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"Save The Oaks: Overthrow Capitalism" said Dumpster Muffin sanguinely

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Jul 1, 2008 4:45 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I’m not sure if I’ve posted my list before but here goes:

I don’t really like Stanfurd but I do have friends from there and Stanfurd chicks are really hot. Two of the cheerleaders from my HS ended up being Song Girls at the furd.

I really can’t stand USC. I have no USC friends and I didn’t like the people I went to high school with who went to USC. I don’t like being on the USC campus. The Sweater girls are hot but in a slutty sort of way. Down in LA, when I’m behind a car with USC license plates, I get mad.

I fucking hate any team from Texas. That said I thought the A+M band was awesome. They should have stopped the half time show at the Holiday Bowl after the Cal Band and the A+M Band played.

You have no reason to fear me becoming a USC fan but I felt a little sick rooting for USC against Texas because I just hate Texas. Lesser of two evils.

Stanfurd Delendum Est.

by Olsonist on Jul 1, 2008 5:05 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Oddly, my lesser of two evils thought process led to me to rooting for Texas that day.

"Save The Oaks: Overthrow Capitalism" said Dumpster Muffin sanguinely

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Jul 1, 2008 5:07 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

On the other hand, I’m a closet University of Oregon fan.

Stanfurd Delendum Est.

by Olsonist on Jul 1, 2008 6:33 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Alls I know is the douchebag boy friend, Zach, in Wedding Crashers is from Maryland. That’s enough for me to hate them.

“Crabcakes and football! That’s what Maryland does!”

by CalBandGreat on Jul 1, 2008 1:55 PM PDT reply reply   0 recs

I’ve based my entire life on becoming Zach. I guess I should find some new hobbies.

by Maharg on Jul 1, 2008 2:14 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I know how you feel

I’ve always felt that my entire life has been leading up to becoming RoboCop, but so far I haven’t even moved to Detroit to start my police training. I can spin a mean pistol tho.

by CalBandGreat on Jul 1, 2008 2:17 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I trained my entire life to sit in a tree for 18 months for no real apparent reason.

And now I fear I missed my sole chance! sigh

"Save The Oaks: Overthrow Capitalism" said Dumpster Muffin sanguinely

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Jul 1, 2008 2:23 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

There's still time

Stanfurd has some major construction going on these days. They must be planning on cutting down a few trees in sacred groves containing the remains of Jeronimoe and planted in honor of war heroes, which also happen to be sitting on a fault.

by CalBandGreat on Jul 1, 2008 2:59 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

And let’s not forget that there is a war brewing about Cal doing some stuff up in the hills there above the stadium, right? The future is bright!

"Save The Oaks: Overthrow Capitalism" said Dumpster Muffin sanguinely

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Jul 1, 2008 3:08 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Say that reminds me

Did the tightwad hill people end their opposition to the stadium upgrade?

by CalBandGreat on Jul 1, 2008 3:13 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I have no idea. It always seemed kind of off to me. Sort of self-absorbed, really. Putting their viewing interests above that of the team they profess to love. And, if I remember correctly, they didn’t even have any actual evidence of any view obstruction. But if anybody from that group is reading this and would like to correct me, I look forward to it.

"Save The Oaks: Overthrow Capitalism" said Dumpster Muffin sanguinely

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Jul 1, 2008 3:16 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

But I look so good in those rugby shirts, and my unchecked agression is just getting to douchebag level…

by Maharg on Jul 1, 2008 4:11 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Don't forget Shaun Hill

If you’re a Niners fan, chances are you’ve got to like Maryland for churning out both Shaun Hill and Vernon Davis.

by Rishi on Jul 1, 2008 6:31 PM PDT reply reply   0 recs

if you're grateful to Maryland for Shaun Hill

I have a feeling your feelings would be better spent in the form of hatred towards Utah for turning out Alex Smith.

I'm still wondering why the Nets didn't draft Leon Powe.

by yellow fever on Jul 2, 2008 12:26 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Can't I just hate Urban Meyer?

Besides, I like Alex Smith too… just, Shaun Hill salvaged some of the season after the twin disasters of Injured Alex Smith Playng and Trent Dilfer.

by Rishi on Jul 4, 2008 1:17 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Well, even with the clear failure of subtlety (damn you, Karl Jong Il! Damn you!), I still feel this was a successful thread. I mean I learned so much about Maryland from you guys! And what is this blog for, if not learning about our Eastern seaboard???

"Save The Oaks: Overthrow Capitalism" said Dumpster Muffin sanguinely

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Jul 2, 2008 7:45 AM PDT reply reply   0 recs

well, our previous article on Delaware was certainly a rousing success…

So, basically, you gotta Go Bears!

by ragnarok on Jul 2, 2008 9:17 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I am wondering

Where is CBKWit in this conversation? Does he also vaguely hate Maryland? I want to know!

by kittwin on Jul 2, 2008 10:05 AM PDT reply reply   0 recs

that is a good question

what did happen to CBKWit? did the tree people get to him? i told him that going undercover would be dangerous, but noooooo, he just had to get the scoop!

So, basically, you gotta Go Bears!

by ragnarok on Jul 2, 2008 11:27 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

This sounds like a job for...

Carolyn Jones, she can get to the truth of any subject matter. Where is she when we need her for the important things. Like finding CBKWit

I kissed Dumpster Muffin and I liked it. The taste of her hippie chapped lips.

by Maharg on Jul 2, 2008 11:33 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I have returned!

After a harrowing ordeal of hummus and organic lentils, DumpyMuff released me from her Love Dumpster. I need a shower. And I never want to consume hummus through my mouth or other orifici ever again.

For what it’s worth, DumpyMuff feels CoachRalphFriedgen is the best coach in the country, but will have mixed results in the next few years do to unparalleled evil outside of his control. WE NEED TO STAND BY HIM!

www.californiagoldenblogs.com

by CBKWit on Jul 2, 2008 2:30 PM PDT reply reply   0 recs

Good god man!

Were you one of the three hippies that just came down from the trees? I want honesty here.

I kissed Dumpster Muffin and I liked it. The taste of her hippie chapped lips.

by Maharg on Jul 2, 2008 2:53 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Going undercover isn't always pretty

I never want to hear the words “hummus” and “penetration” in the same sentence ever again.

www.californiagoldenblogs.com

by CBKWit on Jul 3, 2008 8:59 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs


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