I stand by my first thought. Place a series of trampolines below their perches. Then, BAM! hit em with bean bag guns. They won’t be hurt by the fall, because they will land gently on the trampolines. I mean who wouldn’t love to jump out of trees onto trampolines?? Who are those people?

Some genius over on BearInsider once suggested that we get the U$C Trojan Marching Band to play their stupid 3 fight songs at the tree-sitters over and over and over and over… I don’t know a single human being (other than Trojan fans) who wouldn’t leave the area immediately.

and we dont have to hold their love for the ganja against them… i always felt like that was the one thing they had going for them… mary jane certainly isnt the factor motivating these goons to live in trees-
lets put blame where blame is due: its the female hippies pit hair, it obviously gives them super powers including:
1. an unearthly sense of entitlement
2. the extreme desire to be a douchenozzle and piss people off under the guise of environmental concern
3. ability to reflect all ‘stink removing power’ which soap and water posses… this is achieved mostly through avoidance.

Just cut down all the other trees they’re not perched on and build the facility around them. Let ‘em rot up there. Less hippies to deal with back here on earth that way.

All jokes aside, I happen to know how to get animals off of trees from real experience. This technique is non permanent can easily be used on animals, birds or almost anything you want off of trees. And I would imagine works especially well with humans.

1) Mix one part honey (or corn syrup), one part ketchup and one part used restaurant grease to 20-40 parts water. Yes, its concentrated. It has to be.

2) Spray mixture on area where animal (or hippie) is located.

How this works:
Ants are attracted to sugar or grease. In fact, so are roaches, flies, bees, mosquitoes along with about 200 other types of insects. The water from the mixture will evaporate and leave a brown sticky film over the tree and will literally attract millions of ants, insects and rodents (along with some dogs and cats). Usually takes 24 hours.

The key are the ants which will make the tree literally uninhabitable for any surface animal for about a week while leaving the tree unharmed. After it rains, the film will wash off completely.

The brilliant part about this solution is that anyone getting tortured on the tree will leave voluntarily and unharmed.

salmonella tomatoes?

You know, I’m as annoyed as anyone about these so-called tree people and everything, but you do have to admire their tenacity and dedication to their beliefs. I mean, seriously, these people are really committed to their cause!

The best part of this is that it really does exemplify protest and civil disobedience in action. And again, regardless of what you think of them or their mis-guided cause, the fact is this is basically what the US should be about. The ability for citizens to take action without fear of retribution in order to try and affect change. It’s basically what the FSM was about, and is a great example of the highest quality of UC, where it produces people who are not content to simply be cogs and to blindly follow authority.

That being said, enough is enough. We gotta get those freaks out of the trees. My suggestion for the best way to do it is to send someone up there with a lot of soap and hot water, followed by a barber.

That would do the trick