Real Americans Hate USC

I was a real innocent when I started college; I didn’t even say bad words. That changed somewhat with the band, of course. Anyway I remember going down to USC in 2000. The dude on the horse was cantering around the stadium, although he stayed away from the Cal section, glaring fiercely in our direction.

Then he decided to venture over to us and face the hail of boos (and apples). The percussion section, who were closest to field-level, suddenly started making a hell of a noise. The horse freaked out and reared up on its hind legs. The dude glared ever more fiercely and waved his sword, and Bob Calonico expressed his disapproval to us very strongly.

A few seconds later the Cal band had to go down to the field for the halftime show. The crowd would have booed us anyway, but just now they were super pissed. I was not looking forward to leaving the safety of the Cal section, but I thought to myself, just smile and wave, smile and wave. I was so busy smiling and waving as I headed to the far sideline that I outpaced the rest of the band, and for an interminable minute I stood alone as an entire section booed me. I still remember this old man sticking up his gnarled middle finger while his cherubic grandson copied him. I can’t remember which salute shocked me more.

Anyway, I hate going to USC. The fans are vitriolic, and not just when we scare their mascot. The Coliseum, on Saturdays, turns into a portal to hell.

I’m imagining all of the hats everywhere and woodwind instruments in places where woodwinds shouldn’t go…

I grew up in LA, so you don’t have to tell me about hating mustard & ketchup. It was drilled in to me from my first breath.

I think Hitler was actually an exchange student at $C during the 30’s.

There really is so much about them to hate. Arrogance, privilege, hubris. Pretty much the same things we hate about Furd, minus the grudging respect for their academics.

The best parallel I can draw is that $C fan and GW Bush are identical. Both are basically stupid. Both have been elevated to lofty positions due to money and social stratus. Both are incapable of pronouncing multisyllabic words. Both are incapable of spelling multisyllabic (damn, I hope I spelled that correctly!). Both seem to exude a smug satisfaction at accomplishing the smallest thing. Both treat outsiders with contempt.

Well, almost all $C fans. How sad is it that my exposure to both CC and BN has altered my view? Can it really be true that Ucla fan is really $C fan, and visa versa?

I have a headache.

What’s with the poll?

I mean…Carroll has no competition at all! At least give him a bit of competition by putting Triceratops in the poll.

Cindy McCain was a USC cheerleader. Need I say more?

Are you 10 Twist? Don’t you know how undeniably AWESOME Ghengis was?

…as tempting as it may be.

I’m saddened that we haven’t heard more hate stories.

…but last time I tailgated in the USC parking lot (with full Cal gear etc), I encountered exactly one rude fan the entire time, and he was a scalper. Some old timers welcomed us to Los Angeles (sunny and 71 degrees in November), and the day was filled with beers, blue/gold jello shots, and steak.

On the drive home I got a massive speeding ticket. So if I had to pick anything to hate it would be the CHP in Kern County.

That, and the fucking band.

Like first row behind their student section. Some of you may remember that early in the game USC fumbled and Desmond Bishop picked it up and ran it into the endzone. Except that the refs called the runner down or something. It was called back. But at the time the back judge was chasing Bishop down the sidelines and everybody in the section thought it was a good play. And I was going nuts around a ton of USC fans.

When they called the return back I slumped against my chair the the USC fans cheered, but nobody paid much attention to me…except for the usher. He ran over to me and started pointing and yelling “SIT DOWN! SIT DOWN!” Recognizing that I made a fool of myself, I extended an open hand to him to shake and said something along the lines of ‘good play’ or ‘rough luck for me.’ He gave me a weird look, continued to tell me to SIT DOWN and returned to his post. I sat back down, dumbfounded.

As a side note, their student section was totally lame. When I saw that our seats were just a few feet from the back of the section I was worried about what might happen, especially because my then 8 year old brother was in the audience. But they did nothing the whole game, sat a variety of times, and generally were quiet for a student section at a major football power in the most important conference game of the year.

Although I must say that everybody else around me was pretty nice. I had a pleasant discussion with a lady next to me about the annoying-ness of reviews – as she had experienced the triple review fiasco a week earlier when USC played Oregon. But still! HATE!

There are countless reasons why I hate $C. One that immediately comes to mind is Tommy Trojan high-stepping out to the opponent’s 50 yard line and stabbing the logo at midfield. That is just terrible.

I once saw a U$C player, after the play was over, come over to a Cal player who was still face down on the grass. He grabbed him by the helmet, lifted him up a little bit, and slammed him back down into the grass. There was an audible “OOOH” from the crowd but no one did anything.

I watched on TV as U$C fans threw oranges at the opposing team’s fans when they secured their spot in the Orange Bowl.

They have deliberately changed their opposing team fan section to the most useless spot in the stadium, much further away than any other stadium I have seen, and intentionally placed their band (oh god, don’t get me started on their band) in between the visitor’s section and the field. It was not like that only 4 years ago.

If you visit the folklore library on campus, you can find tons of stories about the Cal-U$C rivalry. It goes back a long way, and there have been some really, really dirty things that U$C fans and bandsmen have done.