Disclaimer:  What follows is a 10 paragraph dissertation on my sideburns.  Be forewarned, the brutal self-absorption and absurd narcissism can be difficult for pregnant women and children under 13.

After yesterday's rousing DBD on the nature of OSU fans, The Maharg contacted me.  He felt that I was taking the focus away from what's really important this week.  All this talk of inferiority complexes and BOOM and even SHAKALAKA was distracting from what was really important in today's modern work-a-day world.

I told him that today's DBD would be a refocus on the important thing for this week.  I think he thought I meant Big Game.  Or something Stanford-related.  And although it's true that my sideburns did get rejected from Stanford (like the rest of me), I think if there's one thing more important than Cal football, it's my facial attractiveness. 

So, thank you, The Maharg, for reminding me to refocus on the important things in life.  Not just a more important thing, but THE most important thing.

Now, if you are anything like me, you've been tracking the Olsen Twins for years.  Yes, tracking.  For their avant garde fashion sense, but also their enlightened ability to give a thumbs up and say "Cool, Dude!"  Nobody says "Cool, Dude!" better than them.

And, if you are anything like me, when you saw the slightly less unattractive one start rocking the flannel a year or so back, you knew, hey the 90s were coming back.  We'd been doing the 80s since like 2005, the levee had to break eventually.  So, you scoured old yearbooks (both high school and middle) to find the specific items you wanted to rock in the great 90s revival of 08 slash 09.  Slap bracelets?  Maybe.  Doc Martins?  I'll think about it.

But Luke Perry burns?  Yes, I can!  So, I started rocking the shit out of the long sideburns.  It felt good again.  Like seeing an old friend. 

via brightstarlights.files.wordpress.com

But here is where the crisis rolls in.  On my upcoming winter vacation, I don't plan on shaving.  My job requires me to shave 5 days a week, every week.  I hate it.  Anybody who would have to shave that much would hate it.  I look forward to not shaving at any and every opportunity.  And I am very much looking forward to not shaving in a few weeks.

So, I thought OK, after the Big Game, I'll shave my sideburns WAY back.  Off, even.  Maybe not Roger Clemens off in that old Simpsons ep style, but just basically delete them.  Try rocking that for a while.  Because then, I'll just grow my beard in and everything will be very even.  PLUS!  I never quite know how to grow sideburns from the start of my temple.  Do they grow out or down?  So confusing.  This is really the only time of the year that I can attempt the great sideburn shave off.

Great idea right?  Or the greatest idea?  Tough to tell.  But then, I really started thinking.  Started looking at my face, my sideburns.  And the more I look at those beauties, the harder and harder it is to slice them off.  It'd be like Cindy Crawford cutting off her mole.  So, now I don't know what to do.  It'll frame my face in a way that makes me look thinner, which, as a 250 pound Armenian carnival barker is important. 

Tell me what to do, fair denizens of this internet locale.  Do I shave off my sideburns as originally conceived?  Or do I save them, because of how unimaginably Luke Perry they are?  This crisis rents me all day long!  AHHHHHHHHHH!

Tix on sale for Womens NCAA BBall Tourney in Berkeley:

BERKELEY - Tickets are now on sale for the NCAA Division I Women's Basketball Berkeley Regional to be held March 28 and 30 in California's Haas Pavilion. Act now to reserve the best seats in the house by visiting the Tickets link at CalBears.com/berkeleyregional or by calling the Cal Athletic Ticket Office at 800-GO BEARS.

The field for the 2009 NCAA Tournament won't be announced until March 16, but fans can secure their place inside the arena today for this exciting event. All-session tickets, which include three games - two regional semifinals and the regional championship - are $50 for sideline prime seats. End zone seats are $35 for adults, $20 for youth (ages 12 and under) and $20 for seniors (65 and over).

Game times for the Berkeley Regional are 6 and 8 p.m. on Saturday, March 28, and 6 p.m. on Monday, March 30. The winner of the regional will advance to the 2009 NCAA Women's Final Four in St. Louis.

Be sure to get your tickets to the Berkeley Regional and see who will secure a place in the 2009 NCAA Women's Final Four® in St. Louis.

Ticket Prices:
Sideline Prime Seat All-Session - $50**
End Zone Adult All-Session - $35**
End Zone Youth (12 & under) All-Session - $20**
End Zone Senior (65+) All-Session - $20**
**Additional fees may apply.

Womens water polo team gets 6 new recruits:

BERKELEY - The Cal women's water polo team signed six recruits to National Letters of Intent, Cal head coach Richard Corso announced Tuesday. Canadians Kristn Mase, Breda Vosters and Lauren Bridges as well as California natives Jennifer Docto, Taylor Dodson and Dana Ochsner will join the Golden Bears in the fall of 2009.

"We have a strong and versatile class of honor student-athletes," Corso said. "They are all students of the game, have great attitudes and are excellent team players. They also bring a vast amount of championship water polo experience to the table. All six come from great families and will be an excellent addition to our water polo family here at Cal."

Jennifer Docto is a Bay Area native hailing from Pleasanton, Calif. A strong defender with great end-to-end speed, Docto is a 5-10 two-meter guard. She competes with Diablo Water Polo Club, at which she was part of the 2007 national championship team and the 2007 national junior Olympian championship squad. At Amador Valley High School, Docto was All-League in 2005, '06 and '07 as well as All-East-Bay in 2006 and '07.

Taylor Dodson, a 5-11 driver, is an honor student at Laguna Beach High School, at which she also earned All-CIF and All-America status. Corso notes that Dodson has superior knowledge of the game, which will significantly help the Bears, as well as superior defensive skills. She plays on the Set Water Polo Club team out of Orange County, and won a national championship in 2008. A native of Aliso Viejo, Calif., Dodson's father played water polo at UC Irvine.

Mens soccer has 6 AllPac10 players:

BERKELEY - The No. 9 California men's soccer team earned six All-Pac-10 selections, as announced today by the Pac-10, more than any other team in the conference. Junior goalkeeper Stefan Frei earned his second straight first-team pick, while sophomores Andrew Wiedeman and Hector Jimenez were also first-team choices. Wiedeman was a second-team selection in 2007.

 

Senior Tyler Barry and sophomores Servando Carrasco and A.J. Soares made the all-conference second team, and senior Pat Marion, junior Jacob Wilson and sophomore Davis Paul were honorable mention selections. Barry was an all-conference honorable mention pick a year ago.

 

Frei recorded a conference-best eight shutouts in 2008, and his goal-against average of 0.68 topped the charts in the Pac-10 and currently ranks him No. 22 in the nation in that category. He has collected a total of 19 career shutouts and is one away from tying for fourth on Cal's all-time list. Frei's save percentage of .829 was also the best in the conference and his 63 saves put him in second in the Pac-10.

Womens swimming readies itself for an upcoming meet:

Berkeley - Back in action for the first time since its 137-119 win over Washington on Oct. 30, the No. 6-ranked California women's swimming team competes in its first invitational of the season at the Art Adamson Invitational hosted by Texas A&M, Nov. 21-23. College Station will also be the host site for the 2009 NCAA Championships, Mar. 19-21.

Texas A&M will be providing live stats and live video, please go to www.aggieathletics.com and click over to the women's swim page.

As expected, many Cal swimmers are beginning to lower their times in the pool as the season progresses. Such was the case for senior Dana Vollmer, who swam an NCAA provisional and first-place time of 1:47.73 in the 200-yard freestyle against Washington, while junior Lauren Boyle came in second with a season-best 1:49.63 - almost three seconds faster than her time of 1:52.58 in the season opener against Pacific.

Another upperclassman, Madison Kennedy, also lowered her 100-yard freestyle time against Washington, clocking a first-place time of 50.27, while Lauren Rogers owns the top times in the 100 (55.27) and 200 (2:00.53) backstrokes.

Cal's freshmen class is still having early season success as well. Shelley Harper garnered a first-place finish in the 200-yard butterfly against Washington with a time of 2:02.26. Liv Jensen still owns the top time in the 50-yard free this season (22.96) set against Texas on Oct. 18, while Sara Isakovic owns the top time of the season in the 200 free (1:46.73, NCAA provisional time) and the 500 free (4:48.50) - both reached against Texas.

Article from Okanes on offensive line:

BERKELEY — One of Alex Mack's goals was to have Cal's offensive line not allow a sack for the entire season. These days, it seems like an accomplishment when the Bears go a whole quarter without letting the opposition get to the quarterback.

Cal's injury-ravaged line is struggling, and its performance will be key in the 111th Big Game at Memorial Stadium on Saturday. The Bears are playing without three projected starters from the beginning of the season, and it's catching up to them.

After allowing just seven sacks during their first five games, the Bears have given up 19 in the past five. That's almost one per quarter, which won't cut it against a Stanford defensive front that is tied for the Pac-10 lead in sacks with 33.

"It's going to be a really good challenge to see how much work we can do this week and see how much better we can get," said Mack, the All-America center who is one of only two original starters left on the line. "Stanford is a really good team. We'll come out this week with a lot of motivation to get better and really play the best game we can. We're really taking this seriously and really looking at ourselves in the mirror and seeing where we need to fix things."

Interesting B-ball note:

At long last, the word came down from the NCAA on Wednesday: North Carolina transfer Alex Stepheson cannot play this season at USC

Okanes wed night update:

One of the things that has stood out the past couple nights of practice is that Jahvid Best appears to be moving better than he has in weeks. Of course, even with his lingering foot injury, he still has speed. But he seems to be getting back to that real explosiveness we’ve seen from him. He was really bursting through holes and running well tonight, which of course is all good news for the Bears. Best, whose practice time has been limited for the past several weeks, has practiced in full capacity all week so far.

Linebacker Zack Follett was held out of practice tonight with a kink in his neck. Jeff Tedford said it wasn’t serious and should be fine for the game. Follett has a history of neck problems, and whenever he even has the slightest discomfort there, the Bears always play it safe. Follett should be back at practice tomorrow.

It’s looking more and more like safety Brett Johnson won’t play Saturday. He missed his second straight day of practice and Tedford called him doubtful. Johnson is coming off one of his best games of the season. He tied a career high with seven tackles.

The good news is Bernard Hicks appears to be fully recovered from the thigh injury that sidelined him for six games. Hicks came back to play a few downs near the end of last week’s game after Johnson suffered his shoulder injury, so he should be ready to step back into the position he held down earlier.

So, tell me what tod o with my face and dump away.  Go Bears!